Nursery Naming Rights
In preparation for the coming arrival of our first offspring we're offering you the opportunity to name the nursery where they'll spend their formative years.
With the Official Nursery Sponsor-Influenceship (ONSI) naming rights, you can get your company's name on a nice commemorative plaque above the nursery door and a prominent eyelevel wall space area of not less than 3 by 4 feet to place your ad, corporate logo or piece of memorabilia. Bidding for this once in a life time and unique privilege will start at $1,000 for initial naming rights and $100 a year there after.
Is that too much, don't fret, for a less sizable contribution of $100, we're also offering Wall of Honor ONSI. With a Wall of Honor ONSI, we will place your smaller (8 by 10 inch) ad/photo/logo/proverb on the walls (e.g. Love from Your Favorite and Fun Aunt, "Cats Rule, Dogs Drool!", Carnahan for Senate 2002). You can be free to express yourself in any manner you feel fit. Name the nursery for your favorite sports or college team (e.g. the Notre Dame-Fighting Irish Nursery) or make a religious, political or personal statement (Ronald Regan Nursery or the Randy is Money Loving, Limited Scruples, Suck-up Nursery). If you got the $, you're calling the shots.
If you're interested, the naming rights for other less impressionable (yet still very important) rooms and fixtures in the house can also be acquired at more modest prices. Memorialize a loved one or pet (e.g. the Aunt Myrtle Cat Scratching Post); remember a favorite artist (e.g. the Elvis Memorial Washer and Dryer) or mark a moment from the headlines (e.g. Enron Memorial Document Shredder). Inquire about prices and availability. Make us an offer. Actually for the right price, we'll rename the cats (not that it will make them any more likely to respond to such names).
(Well at least Randy is proud about it; tolerant is the most diplomatic word for Bethany's view of the idea)
Your name will be prominently displayed on all Internet imagery of the nursery and live action broad casts of the nursery action
And remember, all the money will go into a college trust fund for little baby "H" (unless they get a full athletic ride to an A list school in which case, Bethany and Randy will go to the Bahamas on the trust).
This is not in any way connected with the planned "602 Tuxedo Park Village" redevelopment package that's being prepared to present to the city, county and state governments to raise funds to replace our current garage with a new retro look garage. It also has nothing to do with our TIF request to redevelop the same "blighted" area (i.e. the land space could be more effectively be used for a newer facility with a higher eventual tax rate though we wouldn't be liable for any taxes for the next 20 years). And we're serious, if don't get help from the government, we're going to take our team to East St. Louis, so we can remain competitive in today's market. Living in Webster Groves puts us at a serious disadvantage with other families in other markets with larger add revenue. We're losing money on the team (and no we won't open our books to any legitimate accounting agencies to prove that statement, you'll just have to except our word on it.)
